2010-2011 NFL Pick'em: Congratulations Sunny!

dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 8/8/10 @ 10:17 PM
Welcome to the 2010-2011 Pick'em! If you are rejoining us from last year, it's all the same, except this year we get PLAYOFFS too. Oh yeah. The game doesn't start until the regular season, so you have all of pre-season to truck on over to Yahoo Fantasy Sports and sign up. We're group 12402, and the password is v3. It's totally simple, free, open to all, and you might win something with a good potential for being worth bank when you're too old to enjoy the finer things in life.

First prize is once again the Brett Favre rookie card that nobody could take away from me last year, plus some as-of-yet-unnamed NFL-related swag which probably won't be worth the space it occupies... but hey, that rookie card might actually go through the roof if he manages to stay retired this year. Who knows! And now, the fine print:

1. Prizes will be awarded to the single player with the highest accumulated points for the complete regular season + all post-season games after each player's two lowest scoring weeks have been dropped.
2. In the event of a tie, and the tied players are located in Phoenix, players will arm wrestle in a single-out contest. If tied players are not all located in Phoenix, each player must submit a 100-word essay on the topic of 'What occupies the space in an NFL referee where his soul should be', to be judged by the league's commissioner. The commissioner's decision will be swift, just, and final.
3. If the winner is located in Phoenix, the prize will be hand-delivered by the commissioner. If the winner is outside of Phoenix, the prize will be mailed via some carrier that's not the USPS, at the league commissioner's expense.

Sunny From: Sunny will punch you in the nose for singing her name
Date: 8/9/10 @ 09:24 AM
I'm signed up!
spam_vigilante From: spam_vigilante Ignore me at your own peril
Date: 8/13/10 @ 09:51 AM
I'm there but do not expect to win. Sadly, my Yahoo account is one that I rarely check. I suspect I will be stupid enough to miss a week or two along the way.
I play in another pickem league (costs all of $25 a year). What's amazing is that even withou the point spread, we are typically only about 65% winners over the course of the season. Of course, parity is the stated goal of the NFL and so we have many worst-to-firsts every year (or so it seems).
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 8/13/10 @ 10:50 AM
That's ok, it's why we drop the two lowest weeks - you can miss a week or two and not blow your chances. If it really bothers you, though, you can set yahoo up to send notifications to a different email address.
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 8/22/10 @ 02:28 PM
Well, it looks like Brett unretired again GASP so once again, the grand prize rookie card is yet another year away from being worth more than a case of beer and a pack of smokes - maybe longer depending on how much more he fuckers up his legacy this season. Thanks a lot, gramps.
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 1/23/11 @ 03:45 PM
So, this is exciting: The Steelers/Jets game has just kicked off, winner goes to the bowl. We have 2 players tied for first place at the moment, Penzini and Sunny. In this game, Sunny's got the Steelers (natch), and Penzini's got the Jets.

Winner takes sole possession of first place going into the Superbowl. Good luck, both of ya - it's a lock now that the Farve card is finally going to have a new master.
Sunny From: Sunny will punch you in the nose for singing her name
Date: 1/24/11 @ 09:38 AM
THE LEAD IS MINE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! One step closer to gettin the Farve card I've wanted for years!
From: anonymous
Date: 2/6/11 @ 07:06 PM
It is common knowledge that the soul “is securely tucked behind the ribs, just under the left arm.”* In an NFL referee this space is occupied by the following:
• 1 hotdog found inside my grill while setting up for a home opener tailgate
• A patty of dried vomit scrapped from the bleachers in the endzone section, nosebleed seats
• 3.5 ounces of fluid dipped from an NFL parking lot porta potty
• A piece of cheese that fell into the creek of urine flowing through your tailgate spot
Unfortunately for the fans of the NFL, even if the referee did have a soul, he’d still need glasses, he’d need to get off his knees and stop blowing the game, and he’d need to bend over, drop his pants, and use his good eye.

Sunny From: Sunny will punch you in the nose for singing her name
Date: 2/7/11 @ 08:35 AM

I think that what is in that dark airless hole is whatever died in our cat Dusty’s mouth. It reeks worse than Yellowstone, and that’s saying something. I think that dead animal, whatever it may be, is rotting even more in that hole. By the time the season starts the hole is filled with a rotting oozing repugnant black and white striped substance that releases a steady stream of disgusting smelling gases. They release a little of that pressure every time they make a bad call. That’s why you always see players yelling at them after a bad call. Its not because of the bad call but because the players are asking for a little warning before the ref releases the ghastly smelling odor in their faces. If they didn’t make bad calls, the pressure would build up and by the time the Super Bowl rolled around they’d blow. It’d be a stink bomb the size of three atomic bombs. And that, my friends, is what occupies the space where a referee’s soul should be.


Note to Dave. I'm willing to read this to you in person, wearing nothing but my glasses if it'll get me that card.
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 2/7/11 @ 08:56 AM
Ok, the tiebreaking entries are in, and since my boss is giving me the hairy eyeball, I can't take time at the moment to review the entries and make my decision - that'll have to wait until after I clock out and get home, probably about 5pm Phoenix time.

A couple of notes: Whether made in private or public, offers of sexual gratification in exchange for special consideration will be disregarded. Both of you. Also, this year's tiebreaking question was inspired (loosely) by the honorable Referee Pittman. Just an FYI.

Until this evening, sit tight. We will have resolution before the dawn!
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 2/7/11 @ 09:34 PM
Wow, just like the Pick'em season itself, the two tiebreaking entries are so closely matched, it's tough to make the call.

There are 3 criteria that I'm looking for in the winning entry:

1) A basic understanding of the question.
Penzini and Sunny both have readily grasped the concept at hand, and have offered physical suggestions as to what must occupy this metaphysical space, thus eliminating any room on either plane for all other occupancy.

Advantage: draw.

2) A basic understanding of the rules.
While both entries were clearly well thought-out and met or surpassed the minimum word count, Penzini deviated from the prescribed essay format by bulleting his list of ingredients. While this is offset somewhat by his citation of reference, it is nonetheless the deciding factor for this comparison.

Advantage: Sunny.

3) The sell.
How believable are the entries? Both submissions paint a vivid picture: Penzini's, a myriad of dubious ingredients in precise measure; Sunny's, a single biological abomination ravaged by the decay of death and time. Sunny's is simpler and therefore more plausible, but Penzini's brew consists solely of elements from a stadium, structures well known for their infestations of referees. Both approaches have strong merit.

Advantage: draw.

That puts the final tally in Sunny's favor, and she is declared the winner for the 2010-2011 season. I have done my best to render an impartial decision, and I believe I have succeeded. The commissioner's judgement is final, and any complaints may be directed at the nearest wall.

Thanks to everyone who participated this year, and if the NFL doesn't lock out the next season, we'll be doing it again in September!
Sunny From: Sunny will punch you in the nose for singing her name
Date: 2/8/11 @ 06:47 AM
WOOHOO! I would just like to say good game Penzini. If you lived in town I'd buy you dinner. To Dave I'm still willing to read my entry naked for you. To everyone else I hope to see you in next years pickem'. Now I'm off to check the Arena League schedule.
penzini From: penzini
Date: 2/8/11 @ 01:38 PM
Congratulations to you Sunny. Well played. Enjoy the spoils! Until next season...
From: anonymous
Date: 4/16/11 @ 10:23 PM
Go Iggles? Why? What have they won in the past 50 years? I keep hearing about what a great coach fat boy is from the know-nothing tv color men announcers. Where are the championships? Why do they always choke?
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 4/17/11 @ 09:22 PM
What difference does it make now? A lockout is the beginning of the end of the league.
dave From: dave SAINTS, BABY!!!
Date: 8/9/11 @ 04:43 PM
Well, looks like the lockout ended fast enough for them to slap together a last-minute schedule... so away we go!

  2010-2011 NFL Pick'em: Congratulations Sunny! is locked.

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