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Saturday, June 22nd 2002
Or hell, even a BAD magic show? Meet Morto the magician, the most dangerous prestidigitator since, oh, Montag!
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:16am)
When I was a kid, a mall I hung out in had a couple of skill games you could play against a chicken - plunk in a quarter and it would peck at a little panel inside its glass cage and light up squares on a tic-tac-toe board. Quite the challenge. I figured these little bizarre chunks of Americana were extinct, but the Tropicana in Vegas has turned it into a gambling device - and boy is PeTA pissed about it. Yeesh, give a dumb bird gainful employment and those animal rights freaks get all uptight. There's just no pleasing some people!
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:06am)
Well fuck her, tell her to read about it on her own. And for God's sake boycott Blockbuster Video.
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:06am)
Women and children fled screaming, Secret Servicemen reached for their guns, and the National Guard was mobilized as the terrible vehicle of mass destruction lumbered past the Pentagon gates.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:05am)
My friend and I were sitting on his truck tailgate, parked in my parents driveway, looking at stars and laughing/talking ect... 'He passed me the J.. I mean Latte, yeah, that's it. Then we saw the weirdest thing!'
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:05am)
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Friday, June 21st 2002
There it was. My bowels had exploded. A log the size of a mulberry tree has ripped through my ass into the toilet below. These are the stories when poop goes bad!
By: chimpy
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (7:37pm)
I like Gevalia for my coffee, coke for my soda, home-grilled for my burgers, but I can't make up my mind on poop paper.
By: chimpy
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (7:33pm)
Yeah, everything's just fine until someone has to poop so bad that madness takes over.
Been there, done that.
By: chimpy
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (7:29pm)
Breast implants and female bodybuilding go together like, um, peanut butter and herring guts.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (5:05am)
Ahhh.. there are few scenes that can warm the heart like a boy and his dog.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (5:03am)
IT'S A GUY, DAMMITIf you've always dreamed of being a PowerPuff Girl (or Guy), now you can visualize to your heart's content - thanks to the PowerPuff Girls Portrait Studio. All things considered, I think mine came out pretty damn handsome.
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
The biggest drawback to being an evil madman is the frightening lack of retail outlets for quality supplies. Once again, the power of the internet saves the day at VillainSupply.com!
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
...for their policy of selling and renting 'cable versions' of movies, now you can seethe with disgust over their adamant rewinding policy on DVD's. Really. I shit you not.
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
OH MY GOD! THAT BITCH STOLE MY HTML! Yeah, just like it was hers or something!
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
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Thursday, June 20th 2002
We all know that kids know everything. Hell, they aren't even afraid to give advice to airline pilots.
By: chimpy
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (8:35pm)
Looking for that extra-special centerpiece for the dining room table? Casket furniture too expensive a conversation starter? Good news! You can buy body parts from the comfort of your home!

I'm particularly a fan of the wacky nicknames they've given the dead people. "Hey, check out 'The Golfer'! He was almost beaten to death! That's gotta be worth at least $800!"

    Note to self: Do not leave body to "science."
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (8:14am)
It's almost like pornography, but a lot sadder.
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (5:44am)
Hey guys, if your woman is in a funk, scientific studies have recently shown that you can improve her mood by splashing her gums with your man mustard! Talk about your win/win scenarios!
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:26am)
By Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles


Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

Read More to be on your way to a masturbation free life.
By: Scott
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:12am)
(more)   [Comments: 3]
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD!
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:12am)
Woe to those below when the Joint Strike Fighter buzzes overhead! (buzzes, get it? I kill me)
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:10am)
Getting tired of tuna helper and Friday meatloaf? Dazzle the kids with the taste sensation of fried unborn bees!
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:10am)
This one has gone around in a wav file, so here is the text version. This is a true story, which makes it even funnier!

On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

Read More for the whole story...
By: Scott
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:10am)
(more)   [Comments: 2]
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