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Wednesday, July 31st 2002
I'm Anthony Michael Hall! I loved me in Johnny Be Good! Which SNL Loser are you?
By: Scott
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
According to JPL, the 2019 asteroid is gonna miss us. Question is now, did we really dodge a bullet or are they just placating the masses to avoid widespread panic?
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Wow, somebody must love you really a whole lot to send you such a lovely card!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Pot smokers REALLY shouldn't make websites.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Think you know your Wonka Trivia? Well take this quiz and see how much you really don't know. In case you're wondering if you beat my score, I got a 150. Now get to the quizzin', you Wangdoodle!
By: Scott
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Earlier this week we reported on the dreaded snakehead fish invasion - if you still need more information about this voracious amphibious killing machine, here's some snakehead facts from the knowledgable folks at the Onion.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
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Tuesday, July 30th 2002
Are You An Idiot? The answer will probably surprise you (but not anyone that knows you).
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
...think of FAG. Y'know, there's so much I could say about this that I think I'll just walk away from it.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
Save a vegetable! Eat a steak!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
Now I love Viewaskew stuff, but I usually hate these little fucks who take stuff like Clerks and make their own little tribute movie. They usually suck brown eye. But THIS GEM right here is so damn good I turned all fanboy and shit.
By: Scott
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
A bizarre love triangle between a Canada Goose, a local family, and the outboard motor on the family's boat, is developing on the Somass River in Port Alberni, on Vancouver Island.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
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Monday, July 29th 2002
We wish to extend a warm welcome to all internet surfers and Modern Moist Towelette Collecting subscribers. The purpose of this newsletter is to unify the fast growing group of Moist Towelette Collectors!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 29th 2002 (12:19am)
The latest predator threat to mankind is the ferocious amphibious snakehead fish - with its slavering fangs of death and voracious appetite, surely our time on this planet as the dominant species is winding down. Of course, the people in Singapore think we're just overreacting doodooheads.
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 29th 2002 (12:19am)
Oh, how cool is this: a remote-controlled car with a video camera on it and a monitor on the controller. Now you can drive without having to keep the car in your line of sight, or spy on that hottie next door while she's sunbathing!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 29th 2002 (12:19am)
You'd think with all the fun that I make of KISS that I'm not a fan - au contraire, I've been a rabid fan since 1975. This is why I'm so exasperated with the corporate machine that they have become. There was hope on the horizon with this last 'farewell tour' that they would finally retire with some (small) semblance of dignity left, but alas, they've decided to trudge on and on and on and on and on. Guys, seriously - stop. Why is it nobody ever quits at the top of their game?
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 29th 2002 (12:19am)
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Sunday, July 28th 2002
Football season is comin', but until that glorious first kickoff of the pre-season, I have nothing better to do with my Sundays than rehash all the religious crap I've wandered across in the past week. Hunker down, because here it comes!
Pat Buchanan, Mao Tse-Tung, and Bill Gates were called to the carpet by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. God told them that there was nothing they could do to alter his decision, but they would be allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening.

So, Pat Buchanan went in and told his followers, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there IS a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

Mao Tse-Tung went back and told his people, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first bad new is that there IS a God. The second bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and better news. The first good news is that God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. The second good news is that you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 2000."
Wow, that joke really stunk. Oh Well. Redeem thyself for the remainder of thy day with thy sacred linkage:

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Rabbis Christian Hackers Wall Street Heathens
Jesuits kidnap Uncle Sam Mormon Underwear Prayer Panties
David Hasslehoff Is The Antichrist GLAD Magazine
By: Dave
Sunday, Jul 28th 2002 (12:28am)
Saturday, July 27th 2002
By: Scott
Saturday, Jul 27th 2002 (12:40pm)
Rocky's mom, Jacqueline Stallone, wants you to send her your butt-print and a hundred bucks.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jul 27th 2002 (10:01am)
The upcoming NFL season just keeps looking better and better, especially now that Ryan Leaf is retiring. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
By: Dave
Saturday, Jul 27th 2002 (12:48am)
Just the other day I was saying to a friend, "wouldn't it be great if there was a huge collection of those cheesy old Atari commercials someplace where you could download them all for free?" The coincidence simply boggles the mind.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jul 27th 2002 (12:41am)
Just because Project TIPS got shot down recently doesn't mean it's not a threat anymore - things like this don't just disappear, it'll be back with minor revisions. Good thing to know that there are projects out there like TIPSTIPS, where you can report people who you think are reporting you. In this day and age, who'da thunk we'd still be running around pointing fingers and yelling 'NARK'?
By: Dave
Saturday, Jul 27th 2002 (12:32am)
Friday, July 26th 2002
It's almost football season!
By: Dave
Friday, Jul 26th 2002 (7:29am)
YO TROOPERS PEEP THIS, KNOCKIN' BOOTS IS STOOPID FRESH. BUT ON THE SERIOUS TIP, YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELF. BOYZ DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOUR JIM HAT (JIMMY CAP, SHOWER CAP, RAIN COAT). GIRLZ, MAKE A POSITIVE MOVE. FROM THE GIT GO KNOW THE WAYS TO PROTECT YOURSELF. YOU CAN ALWAYS SAY NO. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, ASK YOUR TEACHER, PARENT OR COUNSELOR. THAT'S THE STRAIGHT UP TRUTH, BELIEVE DAT. IN YOUR FACE.

Ice cream + street advice + goofy whiteboy ebonics = Posse Pops.
By: Dave
Friday, Jul 26th 2002 (7:27am)
...then brain-eataing amoebas will probably keep you out of the lakes.
By: Dave
Friday, Jul 26th 2002 (12:27am)
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