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Thursday, July 18th
An Illinois man has been charged with hitting his grandmother with frozen meat. Officials say this isn't the first time someone in Madison County has resorted to using frozen meat as a weapon.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 18th 2002 (12:11am)
Not one, but TWO candidates for this year's Einstien Award For Excellence: Man Reports Stolen Marijuana To Cops, and even better, Canadian Stoner Misdials 411, Calls 911, Gets Busted. So what's it like being rocket scientists, guys?
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 18th 2002 (12:11am)
Got what it takes to raise rabbits? Play Breeder and find out!
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 18th 2002 (12:04am)
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Wednesday, July 17th
Feeling nice and complacent with your inalienable rights? As is so often the case these days, the War On Terrorism/Drugs/Freedom once again justifies trampling all over your civil liberties with the introduction of the Citizen Corps.

The government's goal for the first wave of recruitment is 1 out of every 24 Americans: specifically, people who have access to the inside of other people's homes... like cable installers, postmen, telephone repairmen, etc etc. Their function in the Corps? To report suspicious activity so it can be databased and fed to law enforcement, who can act upon that data without warrants, consent, or even your knowledge - thanks to the Patriot Act.

If you'd like to sign up and be the neighborhood mole, here's the application, on a secure server and everything, since your privacy is such a prized commodity. Remember, we're at war with Eurasia, and have always been. Questioning authority is a thoughtcrime!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 17th 2002 (12:23am)
A Day In The Life Of Justin.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 17th 2002 (12:16am)
I have absolutely no clue what THIS is all about. Someone tell me, quick, before I'm forced to manually push a bullet into my forehead.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 17th 2002 (12:16am)
So what do you get when you cross, Flash, Willy Wonka, and Sloth from Goonies? You get one weird ass game.
By: Scott
Wednesday, Jul 17th 2002 (12:16am)
Are you ready to catch a BIG ONE? Do you wanna make your fingers smell ALL FISHY? Are you ready for an explicit sub-aquatic experience? Yeah? Then have a go at Prawnography!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 17th 2002 (12:02am)
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Tuesday, July 16th
Strange Foreign Objects Found in Dog Feces!
By: Madkow
Tuesday, Jul 16th 2002 (11:08pm)
I can't tell you how many times I've been surfing thru channels on the tv only to come across lumberjack games on ESPN7 or whatever, and then spend the next couple of hours watching big burly dudes biting down trees and throwing logs and stuff. It's fun to watch, but think of how much better it would be with hot chicks wielding the axes and chainsaws!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 16th 2002 (12:16am)
Everyone's seen those Hello Kitty vibrators, but check THIS out: a .45 caliber Hello Kitty pistol!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 16th 2002 (12:13am)
...animutations, those unfathomably twisted little flash flicks from Neil Cicierega? Nothing! He's still cranking 'em out, including the righteous Batman And The Magical Band-Aid!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 16th 2002 (12:08am)
For as long as anyone can remember, dogs have not only been man's best friend, but they have also been man's best meal.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 16th 2002 (12:05am)
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Monday, July 15th
Here it is, BJE Week 2! And this week you're gonna get a lot more than you bargained for!
By: Scott
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:27am)
This is Zombo Com! You Can Do Anything At Zombo Com! The only limit is yourself. Welcome. This is Zombo Com, yes, this is Zombo Com. Welcome to you!
By: Scott
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:16am)
It had to happen sooner or later - G. I. Joe comes to the stage in COBRA: The Musical! I do so love the culture of the theatre.
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:16am)
You rikey ukulele? You rikey rearn to pray ukulele? Me Rikey Teach You!
By: Scott
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:14am)
Nothing sucks worse than a cold vibrator. Thank god for Fuzzies!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:14am)
Bill likes to share too fucking much!
By: Scott
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:06am)
You don't just want the Mr. T air freshener, you NEED the Mr. T air freshener!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:06am)
Take the lyrics of a song and run them through a few online dictionary speech synthesizers, slap it all on top of a crappy midi track, and you get the artistic wonder that is Dictionaraoke!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:06am)
Perform or die!
By: Scott
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:06am)
Sunday, July 14th
It's that time of the week again - time to get on your knees or bend over a table or whatever... Sunday is upon us. Let's do it!

God and Saint Peter are playing golf, St. Peter opens up with a hole in one. His halo shines a little bit brighter.

God is trying to tee off, but knocks the ball backwards down a hill. A rabbit hops out of the woods, grabs the ball, and goes running for its hole. A hawk swoops down, grabs the rabbit, and flies up to 4000 ft. From nowhere, clouds form and lightning strikes the hawk. The hawk drops the rabbit, the rabbit drops the ball, plunk, a hole in one.

St. Peter turns to God and says, "Okay now, are you going to play golf or are you going to screw around?"



Yes, I know, weak joke and picture this week, but I'm a busy guy. We have an assload of holy links, so let's go:
Papal Bowling | Hell Is Not Disneyland | Hell Is 'Uncool'
Spittin' Jesus | Jesus Continuum | Jesus Balloon
Bible According to Cheese | God Doesn't Give a Shit About NASCAR
2002 Jesus Values Excellence Awards
By: Dave
Sunday, Jul 14th 2002 (1:06am)
I think they are both one peanut shy of a nut farm.


Thanks to the juicy Oreo for the tip!
By: Scott
Sunday, Jul 14th 2002 (12:06am)
Saturday

  • National Buttercrunch Day
  • Penguin Awareness Day

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