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Saturday, August 31st
If you're gonna play the market, you may as well invest in stocks that are going somewhere. Grab your portfolio and head on over to the Vice Fund.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (12:06am)
You just never know what's going on next door - could be a meth lab, could be an illegal dentistry practice.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (12:06am)
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Friday, August 30th
Whip out your bootleg Photoshop and invent a new brand of cereal!


If you'd like a different blank box, try this one.

Best one gets a prize. What is it? Dunno yet. Last time it was a stack of lime-green multi-lingual TRASH stickers. Madkow won it.
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (10:49am)
(more)   [Comments: 13]
For those who were truly saddened by the loss of the TLC band member Lisa "Left Eye", or for those who are just cruel, this is your chance to save her life.
By: faedra
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (8:32am)
A lot of us think we have messed-up parents... But when life gets hard, just be glad your dad doesn't do crystal meth and then dissect your family pets.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (6:40am)
Tired of that old, worn out fetish?
Maybe it’s time to try something new…

You've gotta stop and wonder, "what caused that fetish?"
Maybe the guy's dad used to dress up like Hitler and kick
him down the steps everyday before he left for work???
By: goofyfish
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (6:32am)
While I definitely don't agree with whoever compiled this list of the 99 most desirable women of 2002, there are some definite hotties in there. Worth checkin’ out if you're bored.

…or a hornball or whatever.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (6:03am)
I wouldn't mind attending one of these "cosplay" events for the sole purpose of kicking each and every one of them directly in the face. What the hell is wrong with these socially stunted losers? I hope that their twisted anime fantasy comes true, and they all get anally raped by a giant tentacle.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (5:37am)
Jeeeeez!

No wonder they can be such uptight assholes. Jealous of our freedoms right down to the freedom to pinch a loaf in any way we happen to choose. These people have some serious rules, folks.

"After using the toilet, one should performs the Istinjaa (cleansing with water). In Istinjaa, water is preferred for the purpose of cleaning oneself. However, when water is not available, a material that does not have a smooth surface, such as stone or wood can be used."

Ouch! That would give me a bad attitude too!
By: goofyfish
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (4:55am)
Many womens are tickled them nose by Kleenex, and sneeze. Please enjoy!
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (12:27am)
I'm seriously bothered by the fact that I got a half a chubby from these. I think I need a nap.
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (12:23am)
Thrill to the stunning realism of Internet Tennis!
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (12:20am)
A: Never told anyone this before. Nobody knows.
Q: Know what?
A: I was the second gunman.
Q: You shot President Kennedy?
A: In the head. I killed him.
Q: Can you prove it?
A: YES.
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (12:17am)
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Thursday, August 29th
With Bonsai Kitten, a world of variation awaits you, limited only by your own imagination. By physically constraining the growth of a developing living thing, it can be directed to take the shape of the vessel that constrains it. Just as a topiary gardener produces bushes that take the forms of animals or any other thing, you no longer need be satisfied with a housepet having the same mundane shape as all other members of its species.
By: Some Nobody
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (4:51pm)
I worked through the night working on a major programming issue. Then I come home, flip through television channels, stumble come across Urban Cowboy and can’t turn it off – anyone else watch this flick, only to find that right afterwards you have the strange urge to lift weights, chug a Lone Star beer, chew through a coupla Mezcal worms, and beat the shit out of Debra Winger?

No...? Well then, um, me neither.

Stupid Scott Glenn and his stupid muscles. Stupid Charlie Daniels Band.

(I'm exhausted and delirious, by the way. If any of the proceeding happened out loud, please -- just ignore it... I'm going to bed.)
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (9:12am)
"A 31-year-old woman working in a kiosk in Ĺrvoll was overpowered after closing time by two young men. As the woman was counting the day's takings she took time off to answer a call of nature in a bucket in the booth. When she went outside to empty the bucket two masked men struck," Norway's Aftenposten reports.

Further proof (as if I needed any) that Norwegian cops are some of the funniest dudes on earth: “Asked what he'd say to the thieves should he ever catch up with them, Hjulstad quipped: 'I would say to them, "freeze scumbags! Urine-der arrest!"'
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (8:41am)
repugnant: (ree-pug-nent) adj. Distasteful to a high degree. An idea that is thoroughly repulsive in nature.
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (8:26am)
hick: (hk) Informal n. A person regarded as gullible or provincial: "New Yorkers had a horrid way of making people feel like hicks"(Louis Auchincloss).

adj. Provincial; unsophisticated: a hick town.
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (8:24am)
They are gorging on mountains of lobster, oysters and fillet steak at the Johannesburg conference — aimed at ending FAMINE. It includes 5,000 oysters, more than 1,000lbs of lobster and other shellfish, buckets of caviar and piles of pâté de foie gras. Also, more than 4,400lbs of fillet steak and chicken breasts, 450lbs of salmon, 220lbs of a tasty South African fish called kingclip — and more than 1,000lbs of bacon and sausages.
By: Some Nobody
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (7:23am)
...and not only that, almost 2 full albums of Linkin Park's music was available for pirate downloading until the RIAA website was fixed. 10 out of 10 for style, ya nutty hackers!
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (12:11am)
Tired of those smug looks you get from people riding tandem bicycles? Put those twerps in their place by tooling around on the new Conference Bike with a half dozen of your friends!
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (12:11am)
The versatility of urine is immense; it's a colouring, it's a flavouring. With salads it's a refreshing dressing, with stews it's a hearty, salty stock. And on its own it's... well... warm.
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (12:01am)
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Wednesday, August 28th
When celebrities are spotted in public, common people feel a bit intimidated, kinda nervous, and shocked. Just like when they look at me carrying a load of drippy, stinky, chunky diarrhea in my jeans. I sat there humming the theme to Star Wars and let everything sink in. I was gloriously doodified.
By: faedra
Wednesday, Aug 28th 2002 (3:48pm)
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