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Sunday, August 4th
Happy Sunday, everyone! Thanks to the miracle of pre-programmed articles, the site's being automatically posted to while I'm on a little pilgrimage in the woods... I've been gone all weekend and you didn't even know it! Don't be thinking you can break into my pad and hork my shit, though - we didn't feed the cats before we left, and they have switchblades. Anyway, let us commence with the weekly dredging of the religious side of the web!

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.

After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man," answers the priest.

"I'll be damned," the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?"

"Oh, I don't have it, Father. It says here that the Pope does."

Jeez, that was terrible. I'd have come up with a better joke, but I'm too busy sitting barefoot in a tree playing the flute. Have some links to take the sting off that miserable bit of holy humor:
Fatal Theology Christian Music Recommendations Dhammakaya
Hindu Sacrifice Satanic Hamsterdance Atheist Radio
Robot Of God Holy Sock Song Inflatable Jesus
By: Dave
Sunday, Aug 4th 2002 (12:38am)
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Saturday, August 3rd
Fuck e-mail! Pee-Mail!
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 3rd 2002 (12:36am)
Some kids can just never seem to get a break.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 3rd 2002 (12:36am)
Forget dot-com - it's all gone dot-bong as a new survey reveals that one in three marijuana users is employed in the high-tech sector.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 3rd 2002 (12:36am)
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Friday, August 2nd
Put on some Vanilla Fudge, shoot some magic mushrooms under your toenail, and fire up the Lava Lamp!
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 2nd 2002 (12:11am)
Psychalking is a method for paranoids to communicate with each other about dangerous mind control hot spots. By leaving special symbols written in chalk on pavements, walls, slow-moving pedestrians, and other objects found around town, a paranoid can warn his or her peers of local mind control dangers and advise on a proper means of protection.
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 2nd 2002 (12:07am)
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Thursday, August 1st
Check out this suave transpo from Hoopdie High School!
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 1st 2002 (12:13am)
TV Guide has compiled a list of the Top 50 Cartoons Of All Time... Kudos for including such obscure classics like Heckle and Jeckle, but I see a LOT missing and a LOT that don't belong in the top 50. Daria? Arthur? Angelica? Gimme a fuckin' break.
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 1st 2002 (12:13am)
Since I switched to an optical trackball, I have a small collection of mousepads buried under the bills and other ignored garbage on my desk. If I could get about 2500 more, I could make a killer couch like this guy did!
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 1st 2002 (12:13am)
Wednesday, July 31st
I'm Anthony Michael Hall! I loved me in Johnny Be Good! Which SNL Loser are you?
By: Scott
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
According to JPL, the 2019 asteroid is gonna miss us. Question is now, did we really dodge a bullet or are they just placating the masses to avoid widespread panic?
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Wow, somebody must love you really a whole lot to send you such a lovely card!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Pot smokers REALLY shouldn't make websites.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Think you know your Wonka Trivia? Well take this quiz and see how much you really don't know. In case you're wondering if you beat my score, I got a 150. Now get to the quizzin', you Wangdoodle!
By: Scott
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Earlier this week we reported on the dreaded snakehead fish invasion - if you still need more information about this voracious amphibious killing machine, here's some snakehead facts from the knowledgable folks at the Onion.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 31st 2002 (12:23am)
Tuesday, July 30th
Are You An Idiot? The answer will probably surprise you (but not anyone that knows you).
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
...think of FAG. Y'know, there's so much I could say about this that I think I'll just walk away from it.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
Save a vegetable! Eat a steak!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
Now I love Viewaskew stuff, but I usually hate these little fucks who take stuff like Clerks and make their own little tribute movie. They usually suck brown eye. But THIS GEM right here is so damn good I turned all fanboy and shit.
By: Scott
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
A bizarre love triangle between a Canada Goose, a local family, and the outboard motor on the family's boat, is developing on the Somass River in Port Alberni, on Vancouver Island.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 30th 2002 (12:25am)
Monday, July 29th
We wish to extend a warm welcome to all internet surfers and Modern Moist Towelette Collecting subscribers. The purpose of this newsletter is to unify the fast growing group of Moist Towelette Collectors!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 29th 2002 (12:19am)
The latest predator threat to mankind is the ferocious amphibious snakehead fish - with its slavering fangs of death and voracious appetite, surely our time on this planet as the dominant species is winding down. Of course, the people in Singapore think we're just overreacting doodooheads.
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 29th 2002 (12:19am)
Saturday

  • National Buttercrunch Day
  • Penguin Awareness Day

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