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Monday, June 24th
You never outgrow some things - stomping through mud puddles, ripping off condom machines, and mindless find-something-in-an-intricate-picture games.
By: Dave
Monday, Jun 24th 2002 (12:07am)
Start your week off right by kicking a nazi kitten head around!
By: Dave
Monday, Jun 24th 2002 (12:07am)
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Sunday, June 23rd
There are those who would say that my weekly mockery of all things religious might come back to haunt me in the form of, say, eternal damnation or being plagued by computer problems. To those people, I say GET REAL, I'm suffering computer problems because I had the audacity to try and upgrade my system, an endeavor which NEVER goes smoothly, whether I thumb my nose at the Pope or not. With that said, I'm having computer problems this weekend so the Sunday links are gonna be a little thin. Deal with it. If it leaves you unfulfilled, I recommend you go moon a couple of churches. At noon. After eating curry.


The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."

The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What---did---you---say---?"

The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."

"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus! That's wonderful, dear. I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

mmm. nun pie.

Now, on to the paltry selection of links!
God Answers | Stigmatic Monk | Finger Of God
Jesse Ventura Wrestles God | God Blinds Masturbator
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 23rd 2002 (12:29am)
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Saturday, June 22nd
Because he is THE MAN WITHOUT FEAR!! When they say Affleck is horny, it ain't no joke in this flick.
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (1:12am)
Well if you are than you're alright in my book. The greatest sitcom ever to only last 2 seasons may be headed to DVD. I smell a petition starting somewhere.
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (1:12am)
Or hell, even a BAD magic show? Meet Morto the magician, the most dangerous prestidigitator since, oh, Montag!
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:16am)
When I was a kid, a mall I hung out in had a couple of skill games you could play against a chicken - plunk in a quarter and it would peck at a little panel inside its glass cage and light up squares on a tic-tac-toe board. Quite the challenge. I figured these little bizarre chunks of Americana were extinct, but the Tropicana in Vegas has turned it into a gambling device - and boy is PeTA pissed about it. Yeesh, give a dumb bird gainful employment and those animal rights freaks get all uptight. There's just no pleasing some people!
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:06am)
Well fuck her, tell her to read about it on her own. And for God's sake boycott Blockbuster Video.
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:06am)
Women and children fled screaming, Secret Servicemen reached for their guns, and the National Guard was mobilized as the terrible vehicle of mass destruction lumbered past the Pentagon gates.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:05am)
My friend and I were sitting on his truck tailgate, parked in my parents driveway, looking at stars and laughing/talking ect... 'He passed me the J.. I mean Latte, yeah, that's it. Then we saw the weirdest thing!'
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 22nd 2002 (12:05am)
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Friday, June 21st
There it was. My bowels had exploded. A log the size of a mulberry tree has ripped through my ass into the toilet below. These are the stories when poop goes bad!
By: chimpy
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (7:37pm)
I like Gevalia for my coffee, coke for my soda, home-grilled for my burgers, but I can't make up my mind on poop paper.
By: chimpy
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (7:33pm)
Yeah, everything's just fine until someone has to poop so bad that madness takes over.
Been there, done that.
By: chimpy
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (7:29pm)
Breast implants and female bodybuilding go together like, um, peanut butter and herring guts.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (5:05am)
Ahhh.. there are few scenes that can warm the heart like a boy and his dog.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (5:03am)
IT'S A GUY, DAMMITIf you've always dreamed of being a PowerPuff Girl (or Guy), now you can visualize to your heart's content - thanks to the PowerPuff Girls Portrait Studio. All things considered, I think mine came out pretty damn handsome.
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
The biggest drawback to being an evil madman is the frightening lack of retail outlets for quality supplies. Once again, the power of the internet saves the day at VillainSupply.com!
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
...for their policy of selling and renting 'cable versions' of movies, now you can seethe with disgust over their adamant rewinding policy on DVD's. Really. I shit you not.
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
OH MY GOD! THAT BITCH STOLE MY HTML! Yeah, just like it was hers or something!
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 21st 2002 (12:39am)
Thursday, June 20th
We all know that kids know everything. Hell, they aren't even afraid to give advice to airline pilots.
By: chimpy
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (8:35pm)
Looking for that extra-special centerpiece for the dining room table? Casket furniture too expensive a conversation starter? Good news! You can buy body parts from the comfort of your home!

I'm particularly a fan of the wacky nicknames they've given the dead people. "Hey, check out 'The Golfer'! He was almost beaten to death! That's gotta be worth at least $800!"

    Note to self: Do not leave body to "science."
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (8:14am)
It's almost like pornography, but a lot sadder.
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (5:44am)
Hey guys, if your woman is in a funk, scientific studies have recently shown that you can improve her mood by splashing her gums with your man mustard! Talk about your win/win scenarios!
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:26am)
Wednesday

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