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I couldn't figure out why I had so much underwear in my dresser drawers the other day. Turns out that someone had kidnapped the gnomes responsible for stealing my underwear on a daily basis. Now if we only knew what step #2 was.
By: chimpy
Monday, Nov 25th 2002 (7:30am)
An elderly man has robbed a pharmacy in the southern French city of Marseille for the fourth time in less than a year, each time making off with its full stock of the anti-impotence drug Viagra.
By: Dave
Monday, Nov 25th 2002 (12:13am)
Portland, OR -- No sooner did the unsuspecting consumers at the local Hannaford supermarket see the mysterious figure emerge from the shadows on his menacing, outlaw street sweeper, quickly thereafter they realized they'd been out-right pilfered!

Stop the madness! Oh wait, on second thought, DON'T. This kinda shit is hilarious!
By: Hellvis
Wednesday, Nov 20th 2002 (12:02am)
BoooooooOOOOooooooogggiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... IN YA BUTT! Step aside...
By: Hellvis
Tuesday, Nov 19th 2002 (11:30am)
Check for Sniper signs, and contact the FBI if you're living with a person that matches this list.
By: Some Nobody
Wednesday, Oct 23rd 2002 (8:17pm)
Everyone's done it - but I DO, however, like the whole 'YAHOOOOO!' addition.
By: Hellvis
Monday, Oct 21st 2002 (9:14am)
Modesto police said Kelli Pratt wanted her feeble 65-year-old husband to have sex with her the night of Oct. 7. When Arthur Pratt refused, police said, his 45-year-old wife held him down and bit him repeatedly during a savage attack that ultimately killed him.
By: Dave
Saturday, Oct 19th 2002 (12:18am)
A smuggler is facing up to a year’s jail after hiding two monkeys in his underpants on a 17-hour flight.
By: Dave
Friday, Oct 11th 2002 (12:08am)
Making Slurpees work for you 101. Try it now! (just let us know you're results afterwards!)
By: Hellvis
Thursday, Oct 3rd 2002 (8:55am)
A man who publicly confronted astronaut Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin over whether he actually went to the moon said that the Apollo 11 hero almost sent him into space with a punch to the jaw.
By: Some Nobody
Thursday, Sep 12th 2002 (12:16am)
A man has been nicked for allegedly having sex with a traffic cone. Passers-by alerted cops after seeing a man grappling with the red and white plastic bollard late at night.
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 9th 2002 (12:05am)
You just never know what's going on next door - could be a meth lab, could be an illegal dentistry practice.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (12:06am)
A lot of us think we have messed-up parents... But when life gets hard, just be glad your dad doesn't do crystal meth and then dissect your family pets.
By: goofyfish
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (6:40am)
"A 31-year-old woman working in a kiosk in Årvoll was overpowered after closing time by two young men. As the woman was counting the day's takings she took time off to answer a call of nature in a bucket in the booth. When she went outside to empty the bucket two masked men struck," Norway's Aftenposten reports.

Further proof (as if I needed any) that Norwegian cops are some of the funniest dudes on earth: “Asked what he'd say to the thieves should he ever catch up with them, Hjulstad quipped: 'I would say to them, "freeze scumbags! Urine-der arrest!"'
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (8:41am)
An elderly man convicted of having sex with cows in a Westmoreland County pasture received a suspended sentence yesterday and was ordered to get counseling.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Aug 28th 2002 (12:11am)
An Illinois man has been charged with hitting his grandmother with frozen meat. Officials say this isn't the first time someone in Madison County has resorted to using frozen meat as a weapon.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 18th 2002 (12:11am)
That's nuthin - check out some of the gems on the books here in Arizona.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (12:14am)
A woman enraged at her boyfriend attacked him with a utility knife and cut off nearly all of his buttocks, leaving him near death on a dark, rural road, a prosecutor said Thursday.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 19th 2002 (12:09am)
When umbrellas are outlawed, only outlaws will have umbrellas.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
ARRRRR! Pirate attacks soar worldwide! Batten down the hatches, ye scurvy dogs!
By: Dave
Friday, May 10th 2002 (12:13am)
Hey, remember actor Eric Aude, one of the muscleheads from 'Dude, Where's My Car'? Nope, neither did I. And if you did, you can forget about him now, because he just got popped smuggling 8 lbs of opium out of Pakistan.
By: groat
Thursday, Mar 28th 2002 (10:09pm)
Saturday


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