Open your hearts to the divine.. uh.. divinity of the ritualistic.. oh whatever, here's the Sunday post:

The parish priest couldn't resist the pretty young girl. She was reciting her confession, and it was all too much for him. He told her to come with him to his room. There, he placed his arm around her.

"Did the young man do this to you?" he asked.

"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl replied.

"Hmm," said the priest. He kissed her. "Did he do this?"

"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl said.

"Did he do this?" the priest asked, and he lifted her skirt and fingered her pussy.

"Yes, Father, and worse."

By this time, the priest was thoroughly aroused. He pulled the girl down onto the rug and inserted his penis, breathing heavily as he asked, "Did he manage to do this?"

"Yes, Father, and worse," said the girl.

When the priest had finished with the girl, he asked, "He did this too, and worse? My dear daughter, what worse could he have done?"

"Well," the shy young girl said, "I think, Father, that he's given me gonorrhea."

Wow, that was horrible. Now, on to the linky goodness!

Church Celebrates Chainsaws | Christian Cowboys
Jesus Rocks Nads | Robo Priest | Christian Porno
Satan's LiveJournal | Female Chinese Christ | Vatican Time Machine
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 30th 2002 (1:53am)
There are those who would say that my weekly mockery of all things religious might come back to haunt me in the form of, say, eternal damnation or being plagued by computer problems. To those people, I say GET REAL, I'm suffering computer problems because I had the audacity to try and upgrade my system, an endeavor which NEVER goes smoothly, whether I thumb my nose at the Pope or not. With that said, I'm having computer problems this weekend so the Sunday links are gonna be a little thin. Deal with it. If it leaves you unfulfilled, I recommend you go moon a couple of churches. At noon. After eating curry.

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."

The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What---did---you---say---?"

The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."

"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus! That's wonderful, dear. I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

mmm. nun pie.

Now, on to the paltry selection of links!
God Answers | Stigmatic Monk | Finger Of God
Jesse Ventura Wrestles God | God Blinds Masturbator
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 23rd 2002 (12:29am)
By Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

Read More to be on your way to a masturbation free life.
By: Scott
Thursday, Jun 20th 2002 (12:12am)
(more)   [Comments: 3]
It is a litle known fact that an entire way of life can be found around SAMSUNG.

It will leave you asking "How can I come with SAMSUNG?"
By: chimpy
Sunday, Jun 16th 2002 (6:56am)
Today we have not one but TWO things to celebrate: Sunday and Father's Day! In honor of my Dad, who has a wicked sense of humor but frowns on vulgarity just for shock value, today's religious joke is a tame one. Try not to look at the picture next to it, Dad. Happy Father's Day!

An old man walks into a confessional, and he says: "I am 82 years old. I have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two 20 year old girls who were hitchhiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest : "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Old man : "What sins?"

Priest : "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Old man : "I'm not Catholic, I'm Jewish."

Priest : "Then why are you telling me all this?"

Old man : "I'm telling everybody."

And now, on to the sacred linkitude!
Satan Doo | Holy Trinity To Break-Up | PeTA Christ
Beatles/Satan Connection | Blasphemous Clipart | Atheist Parents
FFRF Quiz | Church of Spongebob Squarepants | Toast Bible
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 16th 2002 (12:12am)
And the Lord said "Let there be computers, and an operating system that blesses the user with the blood and crash protection of My Son".

And there were computers, and there was an OS... and the Lord said "It is Good..." because the OS was Jesux.
By: chimpy
Sunday, Jun 9th 2002 (12:05pm)
Sundays just keep getting bigger and better here at the davelog. Since I've started going out of my way to make the Sunday post... um... better, my hate mail has increased tenfold - which says to me that I should keep running with it. Let's go.

3 nuns die and go to heaven. As they approach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that they are welcome to come in, as long as they confess their sins before entering.

The first nun steps up and says, "Forgive me for I have sinned. Since my last confession, I have seen a man's penis."

"No problem," says St. Peter, "Just cleanse your eyes with the holy water in this basin", pointing to a holy water-filled basin.

The first nun goes to the basin and sprinkles her eyes with the holy water, then she walks through the gates into heaven.

The third nun turns to the second nun and says, "You'd better let me go next - I don't want to gargle it after you've sat in it."

click on 'read more' for a larger version

Oh, that was bad. We'd better get to the links, fast.

Things Creationists Hate | Demon Buster | Patron Saint Of Magic
Underage Catholic Wrestlemania | Jesus Shoots! He Scores!
Pancakes Without Preaching | Top Ten Commandments
D.I.Y. Weeping Madonna | God's LiveJournal | Butter Last Supper
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 9th 2002 (12:18am)
(more)   [Comments: 0]
Over the past few weeks, the traditional Sunday religion post has been degenerating into a festival of offensiveness - and I have no problem with that. Let's continue down that spiral with hearty gusto!

One winter day, a man walked outside after a church service. He was startled when he saw two altar boys lying face down, pants around their ankles, with their penises in the snow.

The man exclaimed, "What on earth are you two doing?!"

One altar boy looked up at the man and said, "Father Bietighofer always likes to down a couple cold ones after Mass."

Delightful, yes? Let's get on with the links - there's a lot of them this week!

Stripper For God | Rod Of Correction | Jewish Space Dilemma | Peanut Jesus
Church Of Mary | Battleground God | Fire Bible | Holy Shit
Cremation is NOT Christian | God Saves The Titanic
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 2nd 2002 (12:05am)
Sunday again, and that means it's time to get yer holy on - and since I got so many complaints about last week's religious joke, I think I'm gonna make it a regular item for the Sunday post. Nyeah nyeah.
A priest, a lawyer, and a policeman are visiting an orphanage on career day. Without warning, a fire suddenly begins to spread through the halls.

As everyone runs terrified from the building, the policeman exclaims, "The children, we must save the children!"

The lawyer then screams out, "Screw the children!"

To which the priest replied, "Do you think we have time?"
Let's get to the linky goodness! On your knees!
SWAT Team For Christ | Church Of The Open Door | Scotland Turns Pagan
God Hates America | Hinjews | Monkee Fans For Christ
By: Dave
Sunday, May 26th 2002 (12:01am)
Yep, it's Sunday again, time for a fresh spate of divine linkage to inspire you for another week - but first, my man m0j0 told me a great one a few days ago, and I'm passing it along to you, the dedicated spiritual reader:
      Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
      A: It only takes 1 nail to hang a painting of Jesus.
On to the links!
Exorcism Tips - How To Make God Puke - Punks and Skins For Christ - Beating Satan, Not Your Penis - Resigning Pope - The Sin Of Breastfeeding
By: Dave
Sunday, May 19th 2002 (12:26am)
When I'm not working (thanks again, Jason), I'm surfing the web, looking for links to post up here. Over the course of a week, I bank all the religious stuff I find up for one big post to fill you Sunday readers with spiritual guidance. So, without further ado, here's this week's spread:
Christians For Cannibis - Priests Gone Wild - Spider-Man's Greatest Bible Stories - Where Is God? - Pope Chart - Harry Potter Chick Tract - Heeb Magazine
By: Dave
Sunday, May 12th 2002 (1:55am)
If you plan on attending a future Mardi Gras, try not to be photographed shirtless next to a drag queen and some chiseled guys in biker shorts.
By: Madkow
Tuesday, May 7th 2002 (2:22pm)
¡Domingo feliz, churchgoers! ¡Vamos conseguirlo encendido con los holies!
Party With Satan - Holywood Squares - Get Away Satan - Jesus Chronicles - Bible Quiz - Hollywood Jesus
By: Dave
Sunday, May 5th 2002 (12:09am)
Welcome to Davelog 2.0! Round these parts, we spend our Sundays with our eyes buried in religious readin', so let us commence!
Eunuch Jesus Caught with Naked Man in The Act - Priests Gone Wild - Landover Baptist Shutdown - Mrs. Antichrist - Landover Baptist NYTimes Ad -
God Watches
By: Dave
Sunday, Apr 28th 2002 (12:17am)
Here's my sunday submission: Betty is a better christian than you. Really! And she has her own website to prove it.
By: chimpy
Sunday, Apr 21st 2002 (12:55pm)
By: Dave
Sunday, Apr 21st 2002 (12:05am)

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