After happy-time blow-job please wipe penis here and not in my hair. Thank you!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Oct 30th 2002 (12:36am)
This floating, waterproof little guy sits by your bath, jacuzzi, or bed with nothing more than those big innocent blue eyes to give away his real purpose in life.
By: Dave
Saturday, Oct 26th 2002 (12:53am)
You need a Gas Station Decoy!
By: Dave
Thursday, Oct 17th 2002 (7:46am)
Geeks are becoming popular party animals, thanks to an incredible new shirt that makes them seem as sexy as Hollywood movie stars!
By: Hellvis
Wednesday, Oct 16th 2002 (10:41am)
Let the boys down at the shop do a spit-take when you slap on one of these badass welding helmets. Great for staring into eclipses too!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Oct 9th 2002 (12:22am)
Those Japanese people are always dictating what's cool and hip with the youngsters these days, and Afro Ken is the next big thing! It's uncomfirmed but it may speak Afro Languages. And if that's not enough here is the whole line up!
By: Scott
Monday, Sep 30th 2002 (1:15am)
If you're sick of not knowing whether it froze last night, get yourself a Brass Monkey Freeze Indicator - when the temp drops below 32, his nuts fall off.
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 30th 2002 (12:06am)
Now you can blend anywhere! Introducing the gas-powered TailGator blender! Our old pal Hellvis is gonna need about 3 of these in a week.
By: Dave
Thursday, Sep 26th 2002 (12:13am)
Hippy Vegetarians, Jews, and Muslims. Studies show that roughly 90% of the people rioting at the past 2 years of World Trade Organization were members of at least one of the above groups (and occasionally members of all three!).

Bespattered Industries has partnered itself with the National Pork Board in the development of a new defense against the raving, close-minded people outlined above. While these people surely aren't good, God-fearing individuals, they certainly are Pork-fearing zealots. We have exploited this irrational fear with our new product: Pork Spray™.
By: Dave
Saturday, Sep 21st 2002 (12:43am)
By: Dave
Wednesday, Sep 18th 2002 (12:06am)
hick: (hk) Informal n. A person regarded as gullible or provincial: "New Yorkers had a horrid way of making people feel like hicks"(Louis Auchincloss).

adj. Provincial; unsophisticated: a hick town.
By: goofyfish
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (8:24am)
Tired of those smug looks you get from people riding tandem bicycles? Put those twerps in their place by tooling around on the new Conference Bike with a half dozen of your friends!
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 29th 2002 (12:11am)
You know, that one with the geometric shapes in pinks and greens, topped off with dancing pineapples.. Well they ain't got nothing on these Worst Couch Contest Winners!
By: Scott
Wednesday, Aug 28th 2002 (9:09am)
Lookin sharp, but that Hawaiian outfit isn't complete without a gin-yoo-wine Ho Bag!
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 24th 2002 (12:02am)
By ordering a Mr. Potato Head license plate -- a cool collectible -- you can help the hungry in Rhode Island.
By: Some Nobody
Friday, Aug 23rd 2002 (8:23am)
I absolutely love T-Shirt Hell. And if I were you I'd buy a shirt from them after clicking that link. BUT if for some reason you can't find the right shirt for you there. May I suggest you buy this shirt right here? Or one of the many other fabtastic selections they have.
By: Scott
Thursday, Aug 8th 2002 (12:20am)
Since I switched to an optical trackball, I have a small collection of mousepads buried under the bills and other ignored garbage on my desk. If I could get about 2500 more, I could make a killer couch like this guy did!
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 1st 2002 (12:13am)
Look no further than the Peter Petrie Egg Seperator. For only 12 bucks you can seperate eggs and simulate snot until the cows come home!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 22nd 2002 (12:17am)
Everyone's seen those Hello Kitty vibrators, but check THIS out: a .45 caliber Hello Kitty pistol!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jul 16th 2002 (12:13am)
Nothing sucks worse than a cold vibrator. Thank god for Fuzzies!
By: Dave
Monday, Jul 15th 2002 (12:14am)
This sucker's huge! Big enough to keep Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Carly Simon, and Miss Halliburton (my 6th grade English teacher) happily moist for months!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jul 3rd 2002 (12:16am)
"While you are sitting on the toilet, simply remove it by gently pinching the base of the cup..." Color me old fashioned, but do we REALLY need a vaginal shot glass?
By: goofyfish
Monday, Jun 24th 2002 (7:50am)
If you travel a lot, you've no doubt noticed the ludicrous scrutiny you must go through to get on a plane these days - that's why you should carry The Bill of Rights Security Edition. You need to get used to offering up the bill of rights for inspection and government workers need to get used to deciding if you'll be allowed to keep the Bill of Rights with you when you travel.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 15th 2002 (12:38am)
Introducing the Jacuzzi La Scala, a full-featured jacuzzi adorned with a 42" plasma flat-screen TV, and a floating remote. This is SO much nicer than the bucket with the 9" B/W TV that I use.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
If people don't think you're strange enough as it is (hard to believe, considering you're HERE and all), try chasing them around the office with a puppet likeness of yourself. That should do it.
By: Dave
Thursday, May 30th 2002 (12:16am)

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